


and i can't sleep but i can dream of us

by axsun



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, not a happy ending lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:07:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25517779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/axsun/pseuds/axsun
Summary: Emily remembers the first time JJ came over to spend the night.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 4
Kudos: 48





	and i can't sleep but i can dream of us

It’s only an hour after JJ shows up on her doorstep that she speaks, sprawled out half on Emily, half on her queen-sized bed, limbs entangled and laying in silence.

“Do you remember everyone?”

“Hm?” Emily hums idly, fingers still gently untangling golden locks.

JJ shifts slightly, her head resting on Emily’s chest and moving so as to not hurt her, and her eyes gleam in the dim skylight. They’re almost misty, pale blue eyes shining and glossy, and Emily can almost make out the DC skyline in them.

“The victims,” JJ says quietly, and Emily’s fingers slow. “The ones we save. And the ones we don’t.”

Her voice is hushed, and Emily can feel her breath puffing over her exposed collarbones. There’s an emptiness in her eyes, gaze fixated on something Emily cannot see, and her fingers find the back of JJ’s skull, gently rubbing in small circles.

“I don’t think I can ever forget,” is Emily’s response, but she knows this isn’t about her, in the way JJ takes in her answer with a slow blink of her eyes and a small squeeze on Emily’s arm. 

This is about JJ, haunted in the never-ending files she filters, sorting out bodies as ‘high priority’ and ‘least concern,’ gently moving the picture of the mutilated child into the rejected pile because they are the first unusual death in rural Montana in over a decade and wondering if their parents will ever understand. This is about JJ, standing her ground as Morgan holds back a screaming father, spitting and snarling that  _ Agent Jareau, you should’ve gotten here sooner, why couldn’t you save her, God, she was right there and you let her die _ , unblinking but clenching her fists because those are her last thoughts before sleep washes over her, drowning her in the sea of unblinking children and bodies watching her, who she couldn’t get to in time.

“I’m really tired,” she whispers, curling in on Emily’s chest, burying herself in her warmth, making herself as small as possible.

And Emily wraps her arms around her frail body (JJ isn’t frail, she’s so much stronger and braver than any other person Emily has known, but it’s okay to be weak) and tucks her underneath her chin, and she wonders if JJ can hear her heartbeat pounding as JJ’s vanilla scent washes over her. JJ doesn’t struggle; if anything, she melts further into Emily’s touch, hands going to wrap around Emily’s body and inhaling the scent of her hair. Emily’s fingers run through her golden hair, weaving and twirling, and she wonders if best friends want to kiss each other as much as she wants to kiss JJ.

“Go to sleep,” she says instead, and she tries to not think about the way JJ’s breath catches, the way it does before JJ squeezes her eyes shut to try and stop the tears, yet a single one trails down her cheek anyway. “I have you.”

A single sniffle, and then a murmur.

“Hm?”

JJ lets out a choked laugh, her body shaking in Emily’s arms, and when JJ lifts her head to meet Emily’s eyes, Emily’s heart clenches at the tears running down her face, eyes glossy and looking like shattered glass. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”

“Jayje?”

When Emily opens her eyes, her chest is cold, and her fingers clench around nothing, vanilla warmth only a memory and nowhere to be found in her Parisian apartment.

**Author's Note:**

> if i confused anyone, this fic is a memory-inspired dream.


End file.
